July 11th, 2015

For the 2nd night in a row, I have found myself luxuriating in my apartment. Maxine has only been back here to change he clothes during the day and then scurries out at night, since I have acquired a lock for the fridge. It really was the perfect plan.

Instead of worrying about how I am ever going to save enough money for London, I was able to relax and enjoy several episodes of Modern Family in peace and quiet.

July 10th, 2015

I counted and recounted my Expresso stickers and am missing 2500. Could I have posted over 2500 Expressos over the course of 4 months? Has my coffee drinking spiraled out of control? For the rest of this week, I will make certain to scribe a hash mark every time I drink a coffee in order to ensure that I have not become a coffee obsessed maniac. Truly, any form of addiction is the ugliest trait a person could possess.

July 9th, 2015

Tamar called me today and asked if I would like to swing by her place for relaxation and merriment. Her timing was impeccable, given that I currently am not allowed to disperse funds on food or libations. She welcomed me in with a ginger beer and vodka concoction which perfectly paired with the package of strawberries and vanilla yogurt that I had taken from the Sculler’s refrigerator for our dessert.

They will never know the healthy snacks have gone missing, but even if they do, they have told me over and over again that I’m allowed to help myself anything in their pantry.

July 8th, 2015

I padlocked the refrigerator in order to keep Maxine away from the food that I currently have left in the house. The lock wasn’t on for even five minutes before she demanded an explanation. I made clear that all the food was mine and further described in detail that until she contributed to the household rations, the refrigerator was off limits to her grubby paws.

She promptly left the house and stayed at Ethan Bakers for the night. I can’t believe that it hadn’t occurred to me to cut off food supply to the parasite earlier. I could have gotten her out of the house months ago.

July 7th, 2015

In an attempt to save money, I have decided to go on a journey of sobriety and healthy eating. I made a solemn vow to myself that if necessary, I will go entire days without even a crumb, if I haven’t the funds to go to London. The only exception to this rule will be coffee, which I will be allowed to drink, at will, in order to continue to promote my darling Expresso stickers.

July 6th, 2015

I stayed up late last night, unable to tear myself away from the movie, “Elizabeth”. After watching the movie, I’m certain, beyond a shadow of a doubt that I have noble blood coursing through my veins.

July 5th, 2015

I decided to treat myself to a wonderful morning brunch. I have been working so hard and I felt that I needed a luxurious morning retreat. I zipped off to the grocery store. While on the way, I decided my special menu should consist of mimosas, French toast, eggs over medium, turkey bacon, avocado, and chocolate pudding.

Once I arrived home, I immediately opened the bottle of champagne that I selected. I should have used more caution when opening the bottle, because once Maxine heard the pop of the cork, she came running into the kitchen faster than a gazelle being chased by a lion. She begged me for a sip and then insisted that she be allowed to enjoy the restaurant quality breakfast with me. I told her that in order for her to partake, she must pay for half of the items, to which of course, she whimpered, and retreated back to her lair. I persevered and gently took the turkey bacon of out the wrapper and placed it onto my griddle and then carefully turned the heat to medium low in order that I get a consistent, slow cooked piece of bacon. I then gently started to mix the French toast egg batter, when I realized that I was wearing a wonderful double-layer blouse which would certainly be ruined if spattered with grease.

I walked into my room to find a suitable alternative and by the time I had walked back into the kitchen to check on my bacon, Maxine had made guacamole out of my avocado. The little twit had left a dollar bill next on the countertop. I was so aggravated and annoyed that I turned off the griddle, took my bottle of sparkling white and retreated into my bedroom.

When I finally left my room to relieve my bladder, I noticed another dollar bill on the counter and a dirty bowl that had once contained chocolate pudding, but now was no nothing more than a few chocolately smears of un-licked goo.